Archive for February, 2007

In God’s Hands …
February 6, 2007

I saw God holding out His hands, and I handed this “thing,” the place in the center of me that’s aching, to God. Now I could see what it was. It was the church, our church. It looked like a child’s social study project … a papier-mached structure in His hands with bits tacked on and added. It looked quite ridiculous, but I felt such love for it. I prayed for God to help me keep the church there, for Him to hold and care for the people and our community. After a while some pieces started to crumble and fall to the ground. In desperation I started to reach out to catch the falling dust, but I caught myself and realized how futile that was. If it crumbled while He held it, what could I do? Did I know better? Could I do better? I cried out to Him. I didn’t have words to express my grief but I knew He heard the cries of my heart. I knew He knew best and I could only trust Him. I felt a peace that what fell … well God truly knew best. But it still hurt. I hurt terribly. I grieved and prayed a long time for God to change my heart to fully be able to trust Him.

After a while I saw God starting to fold His hands in. Nothing was falling to the ground anymore. But what I had seen before was all disappearing. I thought, “Oh great God!” I was afraid. But I cried out again, “I trust you! Help me to trust you!” All I could see in His hands, flashing between His fingers, was light full of colors like a rainbow. I watched and waited, crying out in my heart! Eventually He began to open His hands. He was holding this little ball of light. It looked almost like a mini little sun. A small ball of fire in both His hands.

I can’t say I know what is ahead for us. But I know I have to trust God and continue to try to keep it all in His hands. What other hope do I have?

God I trust you! Help me to trust you!

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